based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
