i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
