i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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