Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
