Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
