this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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