i think my tv is drunk
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
