HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
