Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm always down for nudity.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
