Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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