It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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