At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
