I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
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The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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