My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
