put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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