Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
