he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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