The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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