I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
