battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
