Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
