Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
