He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think my moral compass just broke
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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