She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
