so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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