i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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