i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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