My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
