I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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