I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
