I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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