No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
