sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
