just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
