The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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