I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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