So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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