Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
