whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
