Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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