I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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