why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
