My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
