yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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