I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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