i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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