she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
