im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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