dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
