His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
