Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
