I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
