I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
