ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
