You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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