how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My ass is underappreciated
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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