Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
