Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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