the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Farmville is her only friend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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