Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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