I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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