Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
