that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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