i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had to cum in my sink.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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