Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
