I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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