I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
