I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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