Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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