There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
