is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
