Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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