You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
