Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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